Violation. . . How can a person live with violation and ever feel whole again?
Cindy washed and washed but she didn't feel clean. She wondered if she would ever feel clean? It had been two weeks and she cried herself to sleep every night and there was no relief from her feeling of uncleanliness.
They had seen a movie and went out for a milkshake. They talked about all the normal things that teens talked about who were starting to fall in love. They had been dating steadily for about a month. He had driven her to the normal hangout spot on the bluff above the town. They talked for a while and then he leaned over to kiss her. That was the start. That was where she thought she should have called a no to the situation. But she was in love.
And then it happened. He started to put his hand under her skirt. Cindy squirmed and said no but he continued and he kissed her harder. She tried to push him off but he was to strong. She had to get away but she was trapped.
Things went so quickly. He held her down as she cried for him to stop. Tears welled up and she could not believe what was happening. He was from church. How could he do this? And then he did it. He did it and she cried even harder.
When he finished she was able to escape from the car. She ran. Her clothing all awry. It took her a while to get home. She had no idea where “he” was. When she entered the house her father was sitting on the couch. Only one light on.
“Young lady, where have you been?”
She broke down in tears again and her father turned on another light.
“Dear God baby, what happened?”
She couldn't look at her father as he got up and came to her.
“Martha, MARTHA! Get down here quick!” he yelled as he took his daughter and led her to a chair.
He lip was cut and she looked a complete mess. It was quite apparent that some assault had happened. When Cindy's mother came into the room she immediately came to her daughter and began to try and comfort her. Between sobs Cindy blurted out bits and pieces of what had happened.
“I'll kill him.” was all her father said and Cindy shook her head and cried out “No daddy, it must have been my fault. . .”
Cindy had been taught all her life that to be chaste was the most important thing in the world. Church leaders in young women had stressed that sex was bad except when married. And that once you lost your virtue you could never get it back.
Martha looked at her husband and asked “Clive, what do we do?”
“I'll call the Bishop.”
Clive quickly dialed the number and after about 6 rings there was an answer.
“This is Bishop Young.”
“Bishop, this is Brother Wellington. My daughter Cindy was just raped by her boyfriend. He's also from the ward.”
There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment, then. . .
“Have you called the police?”
“No, not yet.”
“Don't call the police, this is an ecclesiastical matter at this point.”
“What do you mean don't all the police? My daughter was just raped!”
“We'll handle it brother Wellington.”
“Like hell you will. You expect us to do nothing? I'm taking my daughter to the hospital to be checked out.”
Clive hung up the phone and looked at his wife.
“Get dressed, we need to take her to the hospital.”
Cindy leaned against her mother and cried as her father drove at near breakneck speeds to the emergency room. It was whirlwind when they arrived. Her father yelling for a doctor and her mother trying to dry her tears. They had to take samples and the nurses asked a multitude of questions. During the process the Bishop arrived and Clive had heated words with him.
The Bishop came into the room. Cindy tried to hide her face. And then the questions started. By the time he finished Cindy felt violated again. And she thought that it was her fault it happened. Clive and Martha had not been in the room but when they entered and saw their daughter they knew it was not good. She was curled up into a ball silent sobs wracking her body.
Clive took her hand and simply held it as his wife tried to comfort their daughter. He had been told by the Bishop that this was an ecclesiastical matter but the boy had raped his daughter. As a father what was he to do? Obey the word of his leader or think of his daughter. The debate raged in his mind for only a few short moments and he took out his phone. He dialed 911.
“This is 911, What is the nature of your emergency?”
“My daughter was raped and I need a police officer immediately.”
“Where are you located sir?”
Clive gave the information to the dispatcher. He was not going to allow this to go unpunished.
It took a while for the officers to arrive; One man and one woman. The man took Clive and his wife out of the room so the female officer could talk to Cindy. Officer Hill ask the two a number of questions. Clive was explicit when he said that the Bishop told him not to contact the police. The officer visibly scowled at this piece of information.
Officer Dale came out of the room and closed her notepad. She looked at Clive and Martha and asked “Will you be pressing charges?”
“Yes.” was all Clive said. He wanted to see the young man do time for doing this to his daughter.
Clive was at his office and doing some paperwork when a knock came at the door. He looked up and saw his administrative assistant.
“Bishop Young is here to see you.”
“Did you tell him he would have to make an appointment?”
“Yes, but he said that it was urgent.”
Clive sighed audibly as he said “send him in.”
The Bishop came in, in his Sunday best, and sat down without being asked to.
“Brother Wellington, I am here to talk . . “
Clive cut him off before he could finish “I don't care what you have to say. I am pressing charges and will see that young man pay for his crime.”
“Your daughter is to blame for corrupting . . .“
Clive became steely cold as he said “Do not even try to go there.”
The Bishop became visibly nervous as he said “Brother Wellington, if you continue on this course of action I will have no other option but to excommunicate you for apostasy in not obeying the counsel of your leaders.”
“You do what you think you need to do but you will be named in a lawsuit as trying to impede a police investigation.”
“You can't do that. . .”
“Oh yes I can and I will.” Clive looked to the door and asked “Did you get all that down?”
“Bishop, it would be best if you leave right now. and do not come back. Here or to my house. And tell the Stake President that I will not speak to him about this matter either or he will be named in the suit as well.”
Cindy finished her bath and slowly dressed. The last few weeks had been excruciating. There was talk of a lawsuit and her father had resigned from his church calling of High Priest Group Leader. How could all of this have happened? Josh was in jail and was awaiting bail. She forced him from her mind. Or at least tried to. There would be a trial and she would have to relive the violation at least one more time. And then hopefully closure would come some day.
This story was written from two points of view. A daughter who is date raped and a father's view. I have read time and time again of occurrences like this being hidden by the Mormon church. In the town I live in an upstanding member of the Mormon church abused one of their own children and it never was reported to the police. And he is still allowed to work with children. This type of faulty response to a violation like this is reprehensible. And although not a father of girls, I have two biological sons, I have adopted daughters and would be hard pressed not to put a person in the hospital for violating one of my young girls.
Spencer Kimball's and other Mormon leader's teaching on chastity and the aftermath of rape are evil in my mind and place the blame on the wrong individual.
"Also far-reaching is the effect of the loss of chastity. Once given or taken or stolen it can never be regained. Even in a forced contact such as rape or incest, the injured one is greatly outraged. If she has not cooperated and contributed to the foul deed, she is of course in a more favorable position. There is no condemnation where there is no voluntary participation. It is better to die in defending one's virtue than to live having lost it without a struggle."
Prophet Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness, page 196
What kind of message are statements like these really saying?
For more information on Mormon abuses see http://mormonalliance.org/